They Didn't Forget Me...... :)

I can't tell you how happy I was to see your responses. I thought for sure you had all written me off months ago :) Thank you so much for your kind words and for not kicking my butt for messing up. I think I have done that enough for you all :)

One thing I realized while spending 6 weeks in bed, was how bad I wanted my life back. Right before this started I was stressing so badly about my weight and I think it was one of the major causes of my issues. It was very humbling to come to the realization that nothing was worth what I was going thru. I don't care if I stayed the weight I am now, if it meant I could be me again and not be in pain. Why do women put themselves through absolute hell for a number??

Things are manageable now. I do my therapy everyday. I still feel it a little, and it gets worse if I am not vigilant. I know I need to keep my health and well being in the forefront now. I want to get some of this weight off, but I know I need to remain sane while doing it. I am actually really glad I don't have a scale. It takes away most of the mental aspect of things which is nice.

One interesting thing was that I thought I was so rock solid. I had conquered my emotional eating issues. I was in complete control. I loved the way I looked and loved my clothes.... All it took was the perfect storm of emotional and physical issues, combined with a little bit of cockiness on my part, and BAM! Right back to where I was. Wow. Lesson learned.

Emotional eating is EXACTLY like the alcoholic. Most recovering alcoholics simply can't drink anymore. No matter how long they have been sober, it comes right back if they let it. And sometimes it only takes just one drink, even after years of sobriety. I now know that I can't get lazy and convince myself that a little bit won't affect me, or I will make up for it next week, or I just need a little bit because things are so stressful right now, or use the holiday as an excuse for complete eating abandon :)

Sorry, this post is so long. Lots of emotions over the past 5 months. Feels weird not to be posting a number everyday, but happy not to be doing so :) I also notice that most of the usual suspects are not posting either!! So get to posting!! I miss you guys :)