Sunday, September 27, 2009

R1 P3 D8....

Sorry it's been a crazy weekend so I will back track.  Woke up today at +2.8 over LIW!!  I was so ticked.  I hadn't really eaten anything different than I had all week.  BUT, it was now 32 days since last TOM.  Feel PMS.  I know I am trying to start and body is having a hard time.  Also day 5 of no restroom.  Have taken tons of magnesium, and 3 doses of smooth move!!  Either way, that makes today a steak day.

Okay, steak days suck.  The strange thing is I was not hungry.  But mentally it was a nightmare.  I was so upset not knowing what caused it.  Even though my friend kept telling me that between the TOM and not going to the bathroom, that would account for 2.8# if not more, I just was MAD!  I was witchy, and irritated, annoyed and short tempered.  Didn't I just describe PMS?? :)

I had to attend a church craft day called super saturday.  Everyone gets together and makes tons of crafts for the holiday and brings great food!  I was fine until they put the desserts out.  Brownies, cookies, cakes, chocolate trifle........ for the first time since I started HCG I thought I was going to fall off the wagon.  I was so emotional.  I actually wanted to cry.   How sad is that.  I told myself that I needed a just one free day to have what I wanted.  I had that argument with myself for about an hour.

Then I told myself that I did not come this far, just to go back to old habits of eating for my emotions.  Today was a steak day, and that was all there was to it.  I did not have to like it, but I would DO IT.  I walked away from the dessert table and went home and had my husband grill me the biggest steak we could find.  He even took a picture of it, because it was so huge.  I had that and an apple.  Wanted to crawl into bed at 5:30, but made myself put on my excercise clothes and go walking for 45 minutes!  

Learned alot about myself today.  Old habits run deep.  But the new me won out in the end.  Now if only my TOM would start so I can quit being such a witch... ;)  Also, went to the bathroom after my walk......

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